50 free holiday cards from Shutterfly

I am super excited about this. Giving and receiving Christmas cards during the holidays is one of my favorite traditions - no matter what time of year it is, I love sending and receiving mail - especially cards I make on Shutterfly!

When I was little my mom would tape each card and picture we received the door frame between our kitchen and entryway. Now in our house I hang them around the fireplace and on put them on the mantle. I looked forward to coming home from work and going through the mail to see what new cards came each day. I always feel so loved and blessed to have so many people care enough about our family to send us a card. It is these kinds of feelings that make Christmas so magical for me.

I've already completed my Christmas cards this year. If you haven't started yours, take a look at Shutterfly's site: http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/christmas-photo-cards. They have excellent designs no matter what style you are going for. This year my cards are classic and timeless – I love them!

Next up for me I'll be using Shutterfly for our birth announcements. Check out all of the cool designs they have here: http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/baby-cards-stationery. As of today I am 27 weeks! Only about 13 more weeks to go! I can't wait!

Another thing I've used Shutterfly for is their calendars. Check them out here: http://www.shutterfly.com/calendars/desk-calendars. They make excellent gifts, especially for grandparents, etc. I know we'll be making some filled with pictures of the baby next Christmas to give away as gifts.

The Not-So-Little Green Monster Named Jealousy

Saturday our friends Kathleen and Adam were married in Peoria. The ceremony was beautiful and the reception was a lot of fun. But through both, a lot of what I was feeling was jealousy and sadness.

I was sad for my sister, who on her wedding day will walk down the isle alone.

I was jealous and sad when Kathleen's dad made an emotional speech at the reception. I will never again hear my father say 'I love you'.

I was jealous of all the women that still had their fathers - the women who don't know what its like to lose your dad, who take him for granted, because having him in your life is all you know, until you don't.

I was jealous and sad during Kathleen's father-daughter dance. My dad loved to dance (and had some pretty good moves!). My sister will have no father-daughter dance at her wedding.

I was jealous and sad as I watched Kathleen dancing with her three sisters - laughing, acting crazy - you could just tell they had 'that kind' of relationship, 'that kind' of friendship. My siblings and I don't have that, for varied but deep seeded reasons.

I wish I didn't feel jealousy or sadness over such little things - things that are fundamentally so happy. But I do. My feelings were most likely compounded because the day after (August 16th), marks the one year anniversary of spreading my dads ashes. But it's not just at weddings or because of a holiday or anniversary, it's every day. It's every time someone casually mentions their own father in passing and I have to catch my breath and consciously try not to think about my own father and how I will never again be able to refer to him in the present. It's every time I want to talk about my dad but can't out of fear. Fear that I will break down crying, fear that people will feel weird if I talk about my deceased father, and the fear that comes from knowing that people who have not lost a parent cannot possibly understand that it's something you never, never get over. It's all the time, and I can't change that; I just have to live with it and try not to be consumed by it.

Another Attempt at Non-Sucking

Work: I'm burned out, tired, and frusterated. But on the bright side, I have a job, right? Today I found out that since January 1, 2009 Caterpillar has shed 34K employees. That is an insane number and I am glad I am not included in it.

Life: Is good when I'm not at work or working from home...this, unfortunately, is a small fraction of my time. We haven't been up to a whole lot lately but we did go to see the Harry Potter movie. I know its geeky, but I love them! It was really hot and humid last weekend so we stayed around home mostly. This weekend we've got a wedding here in Peoria, but thats about the extent of our plans. I love when our weekends aren't full of things we have to do - its so much more relaxing.

Health: We've been working really hard on breaking the cycle of staying up late and then being so tired after work that we take a nap, then waking up starving so we go out to eat, and then stay up late again doing the things we need to get done because we took a nap because we were tired....We have gotten down to only eating out once/week. We cook all of our meals for the week on Sunday so they are ready to just heat up. We've also been getting to bed at a pretty decent time. I am still taking small naps when I get home though! But the last few mornings I have been waking up with headaches and haven't felt very good. No, I am not pregnant. I checked.

Wealth: I really want to win the lottery, just once. I don't think this is asking too much. We don't even need to win big, though it would be great. Even if we just won enough to pay off our student loans...

Random: I am super excited for Mason to be here in one week!!!!!

The Haps

As Melissa recently pointed out, I suck at blogging. I know. So, for those of you who still bother to stop by, here's whats new:

I am not pregnant. We aren't trying, but it seems like everybody else is, so I thought I would just let you know not to expect anything any time soon. Sorry Melissa...

Work has been crazy. I've been so busy the last few months that some days I don't even take a lunch (when I do I just eat at my desk anyway) and I don't have any downtime to blog. I try to keep up the best I can, but I'm usually about a week behind. I just had my yearly review and it went great. So great, in fact, that I am getting a 2 salary grade promotion and will officially be managing my own group effective September 1st. This is obviously exciting because A.) it is great job security in this market, B.) I get a raise this year which I otherwise wouldn't have because our company suspended merit raises for 2009, and C.) I will be a Six Sigma Black Belt in 2010. Hurray!

Home is good. Josh finished the drywall in the garage on his week layoff earlier in July. It looks awesome but was a lot of work. Between finishing the drywall, painting, putting up trim, and putting up the cabinet, pegboard, and work bench it consumed the whole week, but it looks great! Hopefully I will post pictures soon (don't hold your breath).

I got a new car. We traded in the Corolla and bought a Saab 9-7x. I love it! Its got all the options - leather, DVD, Nav, etc. We got a great deal on it because it was a factory car (a Saab exec drove it for 2K miles) so they couldn't sell it as new. That saved us about $25K, and it's literally brand new!

Lately I just have had no motivation after work on weeknights. I don't feel like cooking, cleaning, doing laundry. Really, I just want to take a nap. I think its because for 10+ hours a day my brain is in overdrive, and we really should get to bed earlier, too. It's such a self-defeating cycle - I get to bed late which makes me tired after work so I take a nap, then I don't feel like cooking and we eat out/eat junk which makes me tired and feel like crap, and then I've got so much to do I get to bed late again. Day after day its the same thing. We REALLY need to break this cycle because its taking a toll.

We saw The Hangover a few weeks ago - it was super funny! It was the first time we had been to a movie in forever! I think next weekend we are going to see the new Harry Potter movie. I want to see the new Bruno movie, too, but we'll wait until we can get it from Blockbuster online.

Summer is flying by. We haven't been swimming once, let alone to a beach. I'm not a big fan of Summer in central Illinois, but the weather this month has been unusually cool (70's & 80's, not 90's!) so it hasn't been bad, really. I just miss the Great Lakes, or lakes in general, really.

Last weekend we were in Oshkosh, WI for a Sig Tau wedding. It was a good time and saw a lot of people we hadn't seen in a very long time. We also drank far more than we should have and paid the price for it the next day. I knew we were in trouble when Josh took a shot of SoCo with his brothers and then told me that 'it went down like water'. Between the wine, beer, and hard alcohol, Sunday was rough. Really rough.

MJ

My earliest memory:
My Uncle Mike (my moms brother) lived with my mom and dad and I his senior year of HS because his parents (my grandparents) moved to Florida the summer before and he didn't want to switch schools. Our house was small at the time - 2 bedrooms, so he had a makeshift ‘bedroom’ in the basement. This was 1985/86 so I was 3 or 4 years old. I always wanted to go downstairs and play with my Uncle Mike but I wasn't allowed. One day he let me come downstairs and sit on his bed and listen to the Michael Jackson Thriller album with him. I remember looking at the album cover with MJ in the white suit with the baby tiger and feeling very grown up. I thought it was a pretty big deal!
Funny the goofy little things you remember.

Its sad MJ died so young. My heart goes out to his children.

Happy Fathers Day, Dad.

I love you and I miss you every single day.

Our week off is coming to a close. Truth be told, I never want to go back to work. Never. Its been so nice just waking up when we want without an alarm, getting things done around the house, hanging out, etc. I could get used to this really fast. However, the bills aren't going to stop coming, and I really like to shop, its probably best that we remain employed. Highlights of the week included:

~A trip to the outlet mall in Aurora which included a stop at the Coach store. I got (another) new purse, a planner, a hat and a bigger makeup bag (I bought a smaller one in Vegas).
~Found a coffee and end table for the upstairs living room and also scored a fabulous deal on lamps at BBandB.
~Planted tomatoes, jalapeno peppers, basil, and green peppers.
~Josh smoked a pork shoulder and made it into pulled pork. It was fabulous.
~Had an engagement party for Sandy and Evan. Good times.
~Finally bought a patio set (and put it all together...that was not so fun).
~Signed our wills, living wills, and power of attorneys. We also had our lasik checkup and got physicals which included full blood workups.
~Got one step closer to having Justin's bedroom all finished at Rob & Melissa's!

On another note, the one year anniversary of my dads death came and went. I thought I would feel something more profound, passing over that one year mark, but honestly, I didn't. My sadness level went up on the day of and the days surrounding the anniversary, but not too markedly. I guess I just thought I might feel some kind of relief, making it past that milestone, but I didn't really. I can't complain though - status quo is better than a step backwards, I suppose.

Down: On work, my family, 'the anniversary'.
~Work: My boss is having some kind of meltdown (personal) but its making work stressful and awkward.
~My Family: Its too much to even get into. Someday soon I will explain why I am so disconnected from my family and why I am so intensely private about them.
~The Anniversary: This one kinda speaks for itself.

Up: On having a week off and not having any obligations.

On a side note, I found the funniest site recently, called Stuff White People Like. Totally racist towards white people, but totally funny.

Memorial Day Weekend

Friday: Continued power washing the rental (3rd day in a row) and planted new boxwood's in the planter bed.
Saturday: Spend the morning power washing, again, filling some sink holes in the rental lawn and planting new grass, and then got my hair cut. Then we went to my bosses for a BBQ and took Justin so he could play with my bosses 3 year old son. Saturday night we hung out around home and watched TV.
Sunday: Finished power washing the rental, edged the sidewalk (geeze was that overgrown!), and painted (3 coats!) all of the wood trim and porch posts.
Monday: It rained! So we slept in, went out to breakfast, grocery shopped, took a nap, did laundry, and had a lazy afternoon/evening.

The long weekend weekend wasn't all that relaxing, but the rental house looks awesome! Now its another week of work, but at least its a short week. Next week is a full week for me, but the week after is my rolling layoff week. Josh took the week off too. We aren't sure what we'll do, but know it will be nice not to have to be at work!

Long Overdue

Yes, I am alive!

Wow, time flies. I can't believe it has been so long since I updated! Work has been so busy that time just got away from me. Its funny how easy it is to let life get in the way of living. Anyway, because its been so long, I'll do a quick recap:

Vegas: Was awesome! One of my favorite parts was probably the coach outlet, where my awesome husband actually encouraged me to spend (a lot) of money. I got 2 purses, a wallet, a makeup bag, an umbrella, and 2 scarves.

Home: We put up a shed a few weekends ago to make room in the garage - what a difference! :) Our first house had a one car garage, so when we bought this we knew we wanted a two car. Now we could have a three car, for sure! I also got a brand new bedroom set for the guest bedroom - love it. It took me a long time to find what I wanted because I refuse to buy anything that is not solid wood (I wont buy veneers, either). I will post pictures soon.

Family: Josh's parents came to visit us over mothers day weekend. It was the first time they had ever come to visit us since we lived here so it was fun to show them around. As far as my family goes, my moms breast reduction went well and she is thrilled with the results. My sister is good, but has a lot of growing up left to do. She wants to just spend the summer bumming around (read, no job) and expects my mom to support her. This annoys me, I think because I have always been so stubbornly self sufficient. As far as my brother goes, I haven't spoken with him for nearly three months. Its a long story, and this falling out has been a long time coming. I'll write more about that another time, because it just bums me out.

Work: INSANE. Everyday I feel like I am being pulled in 100 different directions and everybody thinks they are priority number one. I'm managing people now also, which is a lot of work. Its one thing to keep track of your own work, but quite another to keep track of other peoples, too. Its all going to be worth it when I get my promotion...which is coming very, very soon. I don't want to talk too much about it before it officially happens because I don't want to jinx myself! More to come on that soon! :)

The One Year Anniversary: Its almost here, and that is really hard. I can't believe he has been gone nearly a year. Some days it feels like just yesterday and other days it feels like a lifetime ago. I've been thinking about him a lot lately, and I can't talk about it AT ALL out loud without getting choked up and crying. I'm really not looking forward to June 9th, but in some ways I just want it to come and go so I can have that 'first year' behind me. Not that it will all magically be better after the year is over, but I think I will go back to feeling more 'normal' again. I have my week layoff June 8th - 12th, so at least if I am a complete mess that week I can do it alone, at home, instead of at work.

Layoff: I cannot wait for my layoff week. Our 'layoff' is kind of a joke, and is really just a show of good faith from Logistics to the rest of the enterprise. Essentially, they are paying us 1/2 our salary or stay home for a week. I'll take it! Josh has a few comp days so he will be home with me Wed-Friday of that week. I made appointments for us to each get complete physicals and blood workups that week and were planning a trip to Aurora to go shopping at the outlet mall. We could both use some new summer work clothes and the shopping around P-town is kind of pathetic. I'm pretty pumped to go to the jcrew, gap, and coach (of course) outlets. We are also going to have an engagement party for Sandy and Evan on one of the weekend on either side of my layoff week. :)

Whew! Okay, I think that's about it for the major highlights! I promise I wont go so long without updating again!

.i. .will. .update. .soon.

.promise.

Race For The Cure

I'm doing Race For The Cure on May 9th, 2009. This links to my personal fundraising page. My goal is to raise $250. Josh and I will match all contributions, dollar for dollar up to $500. Please consider donating. It's 100% tax deductable and goes to a great cause.

We're in Vegas and having a BLAST! We've walked the entire strip twice now...my feet ache! Everything here is larger than lifeand very sexual...not sure I'd bring my kids here after a certain age! Tomorrow were going to do a Hoover Dam tour (if I get around to booking one). Anyway, just wanted to check in! Hope everyone is having a great week!

Tidbits

Josh and I leave for Vegas this afternoon. I can't wait! We got tickets to see Cirque Du Soliel's KA while we are there, and considering what we paid for tickets, it better be the show of a lifetime! Our only other plans are to see the Hoover Dam.

I got an iPhone. Love it. The only downfall is that AT&T does not get reception in my new office building (we moved to a new office about 2 months ago), so my phone is useless 10+ hours a day. Oh well.

The weather here has been cold and yucky. I want the nice weather we had a few weeks ago to come back! Snow in April is no fun - but we didn't get nearly as much as the great state of Michigan, so I really shouldn't complain.

My cousin is engaged. I found out on facebook because my family forgot to tell me. Isn't that sad?!

I am super excited to find out if Melissa and Rob are having a boy or a girl!!!

Thats about all, I think!

I've been home sick the last two days. I've slept more in the past 48 hours than I thought was even possible. I'm finally feeling *mostly* better and plan to go back tomorrow. Nothing too much is new with Josh and I. Work has been busy and we are looking forward to leaving for Vegas next week. I haven't been posting much lately, but honestly, its just because nothing is really going on. We're so wrapped up with work that by the time the weekend comes we just crash.

I work related news, I found out that everyone in my division has to take 2-3 weeks off 'unpaid' this year. My group is only taking 2 weeks, but they are probably only going to actually 'let' us take one. I say 'let' because we are getting paid half our salary to sit home, which I can't say I am too bummed about. I picked a week in June and a week at the end of August (when Melissa is due). The only reason we are doing it is because so many others groups are doing these rolling layoffs for 4-10 weeks this year (but they are huge cost centers or production facilities and we aren't) and we have to show that we are doing 'something'. Fine by me! The only downfall is that Josh's group isn't planning any of these rolling shutdowns, so he wont get the 'break' with me.

Oh, and my mom is getting a breast reduction in May. She thinks its not going to be a big deal and only plans on needing 4 days of recovery time. I think it will be quite a bit longer than that - the procedure is pretty intense. Makes me thankful I have small ones!!! :)

Happiness Is...

A New Coach Purse :)

One year ago today was the last time I ever saw my dad. We were in Tucson and it was Easter Sunday. I remember hugging him and telling him I loved him. He kissed me and his mustache was scratchy. We watching him drive away from the airport and he honked and we waved from the sidewalk. I’ve been thinking a lot about that day lately, about that trip and my last days/moments with my dad. Looking back, I am so glad that we decided to take that trip to visit him in Tucson.

I’ve been trying to keep myself busy, but it has definitely gotten to me in the last few days. Luckily though, this weekend we had a lot going on – Friday we had dinner with Sandy & Evan, Saturday we had dinner with Rob and Melissa and Justin and then went to Sandy and Evans for a bonfire. Sunday we slept in and then spent the afternoon in B&N looking at books about Vegas, Concrete Countertops, and Sheds.

In Work Related News...

A project I worked on last year got an Annual Quality Improvement Award (AQI) - I'm pretty pumped! There were over 700 projects submitted and our project was selected among the top 15 across all divisions at Cat. While we didn't win the President Award (the winning project, company wide), it is still awesome that we made the top 15! I got a goofy looking medal which I hung in my cube. Too bad we didn't get cash compensation, too!

Other than the AQI news, work is super busy and not really worth talking about. My job has pretty much sucked the life out of me over the past month or so and it doesn't look like that is going to change any time soon. We'll be in Vegas 3 weeks from tomorrow - it will be a much needed break, that's for sure!

Going Private - Reasoning

So I decided that it was time for me to take this blog private. There are a few reasons, but mainly, I don't want anyone from work, or my family, or stranger dangers, etc to stumble across it. I want to be able to say what I want, about who I want, when I want to - I don't want to have to censor myself out of fear that the wrong eyes will read my words and turn them into something other than what they are. I don't want to worry about offending people. I've got enough on my plate without that added stress.

This blog is how I see the world - and it's not always through rose colored glasses. Sometimes I am harsh and abrasive. I'm cynical. I either like someone or I don't, there is no in between for me. I say what I mean, even if sometimes that's not the most pleasant thing to hear. I expect the same for myself from the people in my life. I'm a realist. Take it or leave it.

Vegas!

I just booked our trip to Vegas, April 8th - 13th. We've had the winter/work blahs and its time to get away for a few days! I can't wait!